


If Only You Were Here

by wildeisms



Series: If and When [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Letters, M/M, Minorly Questionable Timeline, Not Quite an AU But Not Quite Canon Compliant, Rollercoaster of Emotions, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildeisms/pseuds/wildeisms
Summary: Letters exchanged between Jacob and Newt when Jacob is called back to the army.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't originally going to write any more of When I Get Back, but so many of you wanted it, so I'm turning it into a series. Chapters will be pretty short but should, my schedule permitting, be uploaded somewhere between every day and every other day.

Dearest Jacob,

I hope this letter finds you well. I considered using Icarus to send it, but I’m not sure how well the muggles you’re stationed with would respond to owl post, so I am entrusting the muggle postmen with ensuring my letter reaches you. I’ve never sent a letter like this before, but if it works for most muggles, it can’t be too terrible. I’m not entirely sure how quickly this will reach you, though.

How are things? I hope you’ve been sent somewhere terribly quiet with no-one shooting at you whatsoever, but I think that may be an unrealistic dream. At the very least, I hope you are not in imminent danger and that you aren’t inescapably uncomfortable. And please remember to keep your amulet with you. It may not guarantee your safety and wellbeing, but it will imbue you with luck that could make the difference between a near miss and something terrible.

I miss you horrendously, of course. We all do - Pickett has been even more clingy than usual, Amelie is sulking, and Walter and I seem to be caught in an endless battle over who gets to hold onto your pocket watch. I rather like keeping something of yours about my person, even though I know it doesn’t make you any nearer or safer.

On a happier note, my publisher has accepted my proposal for a children’s version of Fantastic Beasts! It’s never too early to teach children how wonderful magical creatures can be and to cultivate their enthusiasm for learning about and protecting them, and I’m so pleased that she agrees. Of course, this means a lot more work for me, but it’s work that I’m delighted to do. Just think, some of my readers might be future magizoologists who go on to find new creatures and learn more about those we already know about!

Not only that, but Professor Dumbledore has informed me that the Headmaster is going to offer Care of Magical Creatures classes with my book as the textbook next year! It is an optional course with very few students signed up at the present time but he is hopeful that it will grow in attendance with every new year group offered the chance to attend. It’s being taught by a wizard called Silvanus Kettleburn, a recent graduate with whom I have corresponded on a number of occasions. I could not have chosen a better candidate for the job myself, and I would quite like to visit him when I am next in England. He has mentioned to me that he would love to see my case and that he has a half-kneazle in his possession which he would be happy to show me. I’ve never studied a cross-breed before, and I’m interested to see how its magical abilities are affected by having a non-magical creature as a parent. I hope Silvanus and I can work together to encourage this next generation of students to care for, rather than harm, creatures. Unfortunately, however, Professor Verbeck is still teaching Defense Against The Dark Arts with a terrible anti-creature bias, but you can’t have everything in life. I can only hope that our influence will outweigh his.

Pickett is sat with me as I write this, and is adamant that I mention that particular fact. He will barely leave my side now, and I’m not sure whether he’s lonely or thinks that I might be. I would never have favourites, but he really is a particular sweetheart.

It is almost feeding time, so I will end this letter here. Please write back soon.

With all my love,

Newt


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Newt,

Missing me already? You must have written that just a few days after I’d left, since I got it in the first batch of mail we got. Well, I don’t blame you. I miss you too. And all those creatures of yours. Give them all my love, won’t you? Especially Pickett, Amelie and Walter if they’re missing me the most. Tell them I love them and miss them, and I promise I’ll come back.

I won’t lie, it’s not great out here, but could be a whole lot worse. So far I’ve not had any near death experiences, but I don’t know how much of that is because of where I am and how much is just luck. Of the three guys I’m sharing with, only one’s come close yet and that was his own fault for goofing around when he should have been concentrating. His name’s Marshall and I have a definite suspicion that he’s our way inclined, but there’s no way I’d bring it up. I’m not looking for any trouble and I don’t think he is either. But even if he is, I wouldn’t be interested. He’s not you. 

I’m so glad you’ve gotten some good news and I’m so proud of you. Your book is brilliant and the new one will easily be just as good, I’m sure of it. Hopefully I’ll be back before you even finish the first draft, so I can be the first one to read it. It’s actually probably a good thing I’m away, since you always accuse me of distracting you. That’s actually part of the reason I don’t let you help out in the bakery much - you’re just as distracting to me. Although a lot of the reason is related to the icing incident, the oven incident and every other time you’ve tried to do anything more complicated than boil an egg without magic. I love you with all my heart, but I would not trust you in the kitchen.

Sounds like this Magical Creatures class is going to be a hit, especially if you’re getting kids into it with this next book. I’m surprised Dumbledore didn’t ask you to teach it, though. You’d be the perfect candidate. And you’ve got that adorable, absent-minded genius thing going on. All the girls and some of the boys would be signing up just to be around you. Hell, if I’d had teachers that look like you, I’d have done way better in school. But it sounds like this Kettleburn guy can do the job well, so that’s good. As long as he’s just your friend and ‘show you my kneazle’ isn’t some kind of euphemism, he sounds like a swell guy. And as for that Verbeck guy, he can go screw himself. You’ve told me enough about him to know his opinion on anything isn’t worth a damn. If the kids have any sense, they’ll listen to you and not him.

At the risk of sounding sappy, I’m still not used to waking up without you. I managed it for years before we met, but now my bed feels way too empty. I keep wanting to hold you and kiss you, but you’re all the way back in America and I just have an empty bed that probably wouldn’t fit us both anyway. And even if you were here, I wouldn’t want to risk it. It’s sad, but the muggle world is even less alright with two men kissing than the wizarding one. That won’t stop me, though. When I get back, I’m going to have a much better appreciation of how lucky I am to get to wake up next to you. 

Which reminds me: don’t forget to sleep and eat. I know what you’re like when you get all caught up in something exciting, and while it’s adorable, you passing out because you haven’t taken care of yourself is not. Now I’m not there to feed you and drag you to bed, you’re going to have to find your own way. Maybe I should have trained some of your creatures to cook for you. Or maybe you can go over to Queenie and Tina’s sometimes and see if they can look out for you. How are they doing, anyway?

Sending all my love,

Jacob

P.S. Hello Pickett! Take care of Newt for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Jacob,

It’s so wonderful to hear from you! I’m immensely glad that you’re managing, but do remember that I’ll gladly smuggle you out in my suitcase if you ever decide to leave. I passed on your love to everyone, but I’m not sure how well they all understand. A lot of beasts are visual creatures, and hearing me say you love them is not the same as them seeing you.

You’re lucky I’m not the type to get jealous, Mr Kowalski. Here you are, in your first letter to me, telling me about some presumably lovely man you suspect to be ‘our way inclined’. I do hope you’re just looking for friendship with him! 

I’m teasing, of course. I know you wouldn’t have an affair and I highly doubt that you’re in a situation that is a catalyst for romance. Although then again, we both know that stress and adrenaline can do interesting things to people. And there are some subspecies of red caps that only mate after having an extensive and sometimes deadly battle with its potential mate. Do watch out for them, actually. They live where blood has been shed, and although they don’t usually make their homes there until some time after, there is still a risk of running into one when on a battlefield. They tend to only attack lone humans and those invading their already established territory, so you ought to be fine, but all the same. Appeasing a red cap is extremely difficult, they’re not the most cooperative of creature, particularly without the use of magic. The best thing to do would be to try to escape using stealth. They are incredibly fast but they aren’t all that intelligent, so evading them is not impossible. They’re also reluctant to stray far from their territory so if you can find the boundary, that may also help you lose them.

I didn’t mean to write quite that much, I’m terribly sorry. I should be saying how pleased I am that you’re not interested in this man you mentioned and that if I were with you, I would still feel incredibly in love with you regardless of the levels of adrenaline and danger rather than getting sidetracked talking about red caps.

I would love you to be the first to read my book. I do hope you’re right about being back soon - I haven’t forgotten our plan, and perhaps I could work on a second edition of Fantastic Beasts, if I can find enough which I haven’t previously written about. That would be so exciting! And this time, I’ll have you with me, so it will be even more incredible. I’ve heard rumours of an akhlut population in Alaska, although I’m not entirely sure if they are pure folklore or just incredibly rare. Multiple muggles have claimed to see them, an enormous hybrid between a killer whale and a wolf, but not enough for any wizarding organisation to investigate. They supposedly spend most of their time in freezing water and eat humans as well as other animals, so no one would be keen to search for them. No one except me, of course. 

I’ll have you know my cooking is not that atrocious. I may not have completely mastered the muggle method yet, but there will be no more repeats of the icing incident or the oven incident, which I thought we’d agreed not to bring up again. I’d like to see you successfully make a potion with minimal training or experience. Although knowing you, you’d probably be better than me already. Professor Slughorn was astounded that I managed to get an A in Potions. 

I don’t think I’d be a very good teacher. I did get expelled in my seventh year, remember? And I would absolutely hate having to stand face to face with a whole class of strangers and expecting them to respect me, I’d most certainly make a fool of myself and then they’d hate me and the subject forever. No, I like the life I have now. Although I did receive a request from Professor Dumbledore yesterday to come in and generate some enthusiasm over the class through a guest lecture, which sounds completely terrifying but I’m not sure if I can say no. I do want the subject to do well, I just despise public speaking. Do you remember when I had to speak at the launch party? It was such a nightmare. And that was in front of inebriated adults who I didn’t need to impress quite as badly. At least Silvanus will have to speak too, so it won’t be just me.

Speaking of Silvanus, don’t be dirty. Kneazles are wonderful creatures that do not deserve this kind of slander and he is not at all my type, and even if he was, I’d rather have you. We are, as I’m sure you know, just friends.

I don’t mind sappy at all. In fact, I feel exactly the same way. My bed has been feeling empty lately, even when my creatures decide to join me. They’ve been doing that a lot these days and I think they can tell I miss having you with me. Although I must say, it’s more pleasant to wake up with you than with an occamy using me as a pillow. And I wish we could be affectionate in public too. Even just holding your hand and calling you my sweetheart would be nice. Perhaps one day, people will see it’s not so bad. If laws persecuting magical creatures can change in my lifetime, perhaps laws persecuting homosexuals can too. I would like to think they can and will.

Of course, you would still be fussing over me. It’s sweet, really, but you don’t need to worry. I promise I am eating and sleeping, and you can ask Queenie if you don’t believe me. She’s doing wonderfully, and we sometimes meet up for a drink and a chat. She tried to bring me to some party the other day, but that isn’t remotely my idea of fun, so I turned her down. I’m sure she will have had a good time without me. I haven’t seen Tina quite as often since she is very busy with work, but apparently she may be eligible for a promotion to Head Auror, so I don’t mind. I know she’d be thrilled to have all her hard work recognised. I do hope she gets it.

Pickett was delighted to receive your message and assures you that he will do his very best to ensure I’m well.

I love you very dearly, Jacob. No one has ever made me or my creatures quite so happy.

Yours, always,

Newt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The akhlut is a creature from Inuit mythology, which you can read about [here](http://cryptidz.wikia.com/wiki/Akhlut) if you're interested


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Newt,

Thanks for the offer, but I want to be here. It’s not nice, but it’s an important cause and I’m not just going to run away. They’re doing horrible things, killing civilians, and I don’t want to let it carry on if I can help fight it. I do love and miss you, but I want to do what’s right. I’m sure you understand.

You don’t have to apologise for telling me about things you’re interested in, especially when it might end up saving my ass one day. But even if it doesn’t, I don’t mind. These red cap things sound interesting, even if they’re a little freaky. But some humans have a very similar ‘mating ritual’, so who am I to judge? Besides, it’s sweet when you ramble. I wish I could see you doing it in person, though. You look adorable every time you get all excited about some creature. 

I look forward to it, baby. I might be crazy, but there’s nothing I’d like more than to go searching for some weird creature that might not even exist in some isolated place with you. Even though these akhlut things sound goddamn terrifying. I’ll have to rely on my smart, sexy sweetheart to stop me getting eaten by some orca dog. We might be the only people in the world insane enough to actually like that idea, and I fully blame you for making me this way. I used to be a pretty normal guy, and if the old me met the new me, I’d think I was on some kind of drug trip. Weird, right?

Whatever you say. I’d still not trust anything you cooked unsupervised. 

I stand by what I said: you’d be a great teacher. But I understand if you don’t want to do it full-time. The lecturing idea sounds great, though. I know you’re nervous, but you’ll do a fantastic job. Everyone will fall in love with you and your creatures easily, and they’re kids, so they’re probably more scared of you than you are of them. I know I found strange adults scary when I was 11. It will be amazing and I wish I could be there to watch, but I know you’ll do great without me. Let me know how it goes, will you?

I’m glad you have a friend. I was only teasing you, and I hope you do get a chance to have a look at his kneazle. I know how much fun you’d have getting to hang out with someone who loves creatures almost as much as you. Although from what I’ve heard, I’m not sure if the world can handle the two of you being in one place for too long without some large scale disaster happening. I’m guessing he has a similar concept of ‘dangerous’ to you. 

You’re so cute, baby. If I was there with you right now, I’d be kissing every freckle on your face. And while I do love waking up with you, the image of you cuddling an occamy is pretty damn adorable too. Remind me to give every one of the creatures who have been looking out for you some extra treats when I get back. And to give you treats, of course, because I’m still not convinced you’re eating and sleeping properly. A single apple and a handful of biscuits still isn’t a meal, in case you’ve forgotten. And I’ll definitely be asking Queenie, and telling her to cook for you sometimes. It’s nice that you two are hanging out, even if you’re not into the whole party scene. But I bet I could get you out dancing, if I get you a little tipsy first. But you’re such a lightweight, that’d probably just take a single whiskey. We’ll have to try it out sometime.

Tell Tina that I said good luck and Pickett that I said good job.

I love you too, beautiful. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and those creatures of yours, and I can’t wait to get back home.

Lots of love,

Jacob


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Jacob,

I understand, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever be thrilled about you putting your life at risk when I’m not there with you. I know people do survive wars without magic, and you’ve done so before, but I can’t pretend the prospect doesn’t make me uneasy. 

I’m not sure I understand your comment about human mating rituals, and I don’t know if I want to. Either way, I do truly appreciate you putting up with me going on like this. Very few people have the patience for it, but it can be so hard to limit myself once I’ve got started. Even fewer people find me ‘adorable’, but I must say I’m flattered that you think so. After all, your opinion of me is one of the few which I actually care about. 

I don’t think you’re crazy at all. In fact, I think you’re more enlightened than most people. There are so many fascinating things in this world, living beings which differ from us in extraordinary ways, and I can’t fathom how people can possibly be content to go through life without trying to see or understand as many as possible. It’s worth a little danger, but I do promise I will do everything in my power to protect you. 

Thank you for your confidence in me. I was, of course, still absolutely terrified, though. I thought that if I messed this up, no one will take Care of Magical Creatures and then people will use that as proof that my field of work is uninteresting and pointless. But I managed to get up there and do it anyway, and I’m truly delighted that I did. There were some students who truly didn’t seem to care, and some who were definitely laughing at me, but I think I caught the attention of some of the others! I opted for a bit of a practical demonstration with some friendly, more well-known creatures, and Silvanus handled the actual course details, as he will be the one teaching. Pickett, Dougal and Walter were particularly popular among the children, as were my unicorns, when they were finally willing to come and say hello. They can be quite wary, although I can hardly blame them when they were captured by poachers as foals. They have good reason not to trust wizards, but they were all very brave and came out anyway. I really think that this class is going to be a success! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the next generation of wizards had more people intent on protecting creatures than hurting them? And then I got to see Silvanus’s kneazle, and she was utterly beautiful. Her name is Alice and she’s part cat, and doesn’t look as though she has any kneazle in her, until you test her intelligence or examine her whiskers. She’s truly wonderful, and she warmed to me instantly. Kneazles are very good at spotting untrustworthy people and can be quite violent if they do not deem you worthy, and can be standoffish if they are not sure, so it really is a privilege to have her affection.

My concept of ‘dangerous’ is entirely accurate, thank you. I may choose to take calculated risks sometimes, but often things that seem dangerous are not actually so if you know how to handle them. Take dragons, for instance. To an ordinary person, a dragon is dangerous, while I know how to handle them and can even achieve some level of obedience from them if I am given a chance to build up a relationship with them first. Although that is one of the more risky things to do, as they can be rather temperamental if they’re being bossed around. But still, my point stands.

You have so little faith in my ability to care for myself. I may not be quite as talented as you in the kitchen, but I do know how to prevent myself keeling over from starvation. I know you worry about me, but I promise I’m managing. Although I wouldn’t say no to plenty of your scones when you get back, if you want to feed me up again. And those little cakes with the white icing on top. Those are rather delicious. But if you’re planning to ply me with alcohol in an attempt to make me make a fool of myself trying to dance, perhaps I’m not so eager for you to come back… 

I’m joking. I can’t wait for you to come home either, even if I’m not a fan of that particular plan. I do miss you very much. 

Yours, always,

Newt


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: descriptions of minor character death in this chapter
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone that has left comments so far!! It really encourages me with this whole 'post a letter every day' thing.

Dear Newt,

When I got your letter, hearing from you was the best thing that could possibly happen to me. I needed something good in my life, and here you are. Not here, exactly, but as close as we can get right about now. Marshall, one of the guys I’ve been living with, died that morning, right in front of me. It happens and I know that, this isn’t the first time someone I’d call a friend has died like this, and I know he’s not the only guy dead because of this war, but it feels different when you’re looking at a person instead of just numbers. He was only nineteen, Newt. He was nineteen years old and he’s never going to have a life proper life. I’ve gone over it in my head a hundred times since it happened, but I don’t think there’s anything I could have done differently. We were caught in a grenade blast, but I was just a bit further away than he was. I got a nasty head injury and a whole lot of scrapes, but he was right near it. He didn’t stand a chance, and if I’d tried to pull him back, we’d have both gone down. He was a good man and he didn’t deserve this, but that won’t bring him back.

I tried to write back right away, but my mind was too messed up from all of that. I hope I haven’t made you wait too long and start worrying about me. My head’s all fixed up and I’m feeling better now, I promise. I won’t pretend I’m totally okay yet, but I’m managing. 

You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Newt. And I’m not just talking about your looks. The way you talk about the world is like it’s this wonderful place, and even when it’s not you never seem to run out of kindness and optimism. And then you go and do something really brave, getting up in front of all those people and talking about your creatures even though you were nervous, and you act all chivalrous, promising to protect me, and I just can’t believe I got so lucky as to have you in my life. I know that’s a little sappy, but it’s how I feel and if I can’t be sappy in a letter to my lover, when can I? 

I know I might not actually be much help around a dragon, but please don’t go trying to tame one while I’m away. I don’t want to lose you, baby. Just for me, try and keep the calculated risks to a minimum, okay? 

As soon as I get home, I’ll make you all the sweets you want, and that’s a promise. And I also promise not to spike any of your drinks, okay? I was just teasing you, I wouldn’t really try to get you drunk just to make you do something you don’t want to do. I’d love to dance with you, but maybe we could do it privately instead of me taking you out somewhere if you’re not comfortable with that.

I miss you too, baby. I really want to be in your arms right about now. 

All my love,

Jacob


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm amazed I've actually managed this every day for a week. With any luck, I'll be able to keep up this schedule until this fic finishes.

Dear Jacob

I am glad to hear from you, as I was starting to feel concerned, but I am incredibly sorry about what happened to you, and even more so for your friend. I am glad you’re alright, though. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. You’re right, it’s unfair and horrible and I do wish I could do or say something to make this better for you, because I know you must be suffering. I’m not sure what that something would be, though. 

As much as I wish I could be bringing you good news with this letter, I don’t have much of that nature to report. Amelie’s rather ill at the moment, and I can’t work out what it is that’s wrong with her. She’s barely eating, I have to bottle feed her every mealtime to get her to have even a quarter of the amount her siblings are eating. And she never wants to play anymore, she just curls up on or around me and barely moves. I’ve never seen an occamy this feeble or this clingy before and I have no idea how to get her back to her old self. It’s a little concerning, but there’s plenty I still haven’t tried yet so I have plenty of hope that I’ll find some way to have her up and well again soon. It’s probably nothing to worry about.

You are absolutely allowed to be sappy in letters to me, and also definitely allowed to call me your lover. I’m rather glad you can’t see me right now, actually, as I’ve almost certainly turned an embarrassing shade of beetroot. I love you too, Jacob, so very much. And honestly, I think you are far more wonderful. You’re brave, charming, and handsome, but most importantly you’re kind, more so than anyone else, wizard or muggle, that I’ve ever met. And you always find a way to make me happy, even when I’m feeling low. Essentially, what I’m saying is that I am just as sappy and just as in love as you are. 

I swear I won’t take any unnecessary risks, so long as you are willing to promise the same. At the moment, all I’ve been doing is the standard daily rounds, nursing Amelie, and working on my book. As it stands, you’re in far more danger than I am, since I don’t have anything in this case that poses a threat to me.

I’d love to have you in my arms, Jacob. If I had my way, the war would be finished and you’d be back here, safe in this case with me, and I’d hold you and kiss you as much as you wanted. I hope that will get to become reality soon. I haven’t really been keeping up with the muggles news, just the basic details, but I want to believe it’s almost over. And perhaps, when it is, I’ll allow you to dance with me.

With all my love,

Newt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amelie is the name I gave to the occamy that Jacob sees hatching in the film, purely because I like how 'Amelie the occamy' sounds. My naming ability is at about the same level as that of Newt or Hagrid.


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Newt,

Thank you, baby. I don’t expect you to fix things, don’t stress yourself out trying to make it better. I don’t think anyone can. You fought last time, right? You know how it is. These things happen and you have to just get by and deal with it. Knowing you care does help, though. But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about how many more people are going to have to die before we end this. 

The Germans are getting a bit more trigger happy with their new weapons. I haven’t been gassed yet, but from what I heard it’s getting better and better at killing us. It seems like every time we think there aren’t going to be any new or more effective ways to hurt and kill, someone finds one. And every time we think we’ve stopped the person holding those weapons, some other evil bastard just picks them right back up. I could do with some of your faith in the world right about now, because I’m running out of positive thoughts. I do have two that keep me going, though. One, when this is done I’m going to come home to you. And two, I don’t know if it’s coincidence or that magic amulet you gave me, but I seem to be the luckiest guy out here. I could have nearly died a couple of times now, but I’ve made it out with scrapes each time. But I swear I’m not going to test it out, I’m trying to stay alive here. If it is the amulet, it’s actually kind of like you’re here looking out for me. I wish I could return the favour somehow, find a way to take care of you even when I’m not there. 

Is Amelie feeling better yet? She’s a cute little thing, I don’t want to have to be worrying about her too if I don’t need to be. But I know if anyone can cure her, it’ll be you, so I expect you’ll have already worked it all out and she’ll be back in the nest by the time you get this. Or is she one of the ones who’s taken to stealing my spot in our bed? Either way, I hope you’re all okay in that case of yours. 

You’re adorable. If you were here, I’d kiss you until we couldn’t breathe right and tell you how gorgeous - not embarrassing - that blush is. Although actually, I might want you to do some of that magical cleaning and healing stuff first. I’m fine, I promise, I’m just a little bit dirty and sore. There was a pretty big bomb blast and now my ears are all weird and I’ll have a few more scars to add to my collection. I’ve still got nothing on you, though. But you make them look sexy.

I love you so much. I hope you’re right, and it’s all over soon enough for me to get back to you.

Completely, entirely yours, 

Jacob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's trying so hard not to worry Newt, bless him.
> 
> Also, 'Do It For Her/Him' from Steven Universe came on my music while I was writing this and now I have a completely ridiculous Steven Universe AU running around in my head with Newt as Steven and Jacob as Connie. No, it doesn't make any sense.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Jacob,

Only you would try to reassure me when I’m meant to be the one comforting you. I love you so very much, you wonderful man.

Whatever it is that’s keeping you safe, I hope it continues. Perhaps I should try to make up some more protection charms for you. To start with, I’ve enclosed a charmed coin, which has a minor shielding charm on it. I’ve never tested them against bullets or other muggle weaponry, but they work for minor curses. If you keep it in your breast pocket, that should, in theory, prevent anything from getting too close to your heart. Although they wouldn’t do a thing against a killing curse, so it might, of course be useless. But I hate to think of you being at risk out there, even if you have been mostly lucky so far. If I were better at potions, I’d be brewing you some liquid luck for emergencies, but if I tried that I fear I might poison you by accident. 

I do know it’s terribly selfish of me to be trying to give you more protection than your fellow soldiers have, I know. But I couldn’t do this for everyone without exposing magic and almost certainly getting put in prison or to death, if the American courts have me. I do wish I could do more, though. Not just for you, but for everyone who is out there suffering. 

I’m afraid Amelie hasn’t improved. She still seems weak, and now she’s far too warm to the touch now. I know I said I wasn’t worried, but I might be just a little bit now. I’m fairly sure it’s an illness of some sort, but I don’t know what. Just in case, I’ve quarantined her so that it won’t spread to any of the others, but I don’t know if it is even contagious. I’m not sure if such a condition has ever been documented before, at least not in an occamy. I’ve been researching creature ailments and trying to determine if it’s a new strain of something which would not normally affect an occamy, but so far I’ve had no luck. I’m considering trying her on the sorts of potions one might use on a feverish human, but I can’t know how she’ll react to it and I’m worried I might make it worse. If I hurt her instead of helping her, I’ll never forgive myself, but I don’t think I can sit here and do nothing either when it might work.

It’s getting awfully cold over here, even within my case. If you were here, I’d be curling up in your arms as soon as I finished tending to your injuries, and possibly not moving until the weather improves. I don’t know why it’s even affecting the habitats, when they’re each supposed to have their own climates independent of outside conditions. Perhaps there’s an error with one of the wards or charms, or the case itself is somehow damaged. It might be an extension of the broken latch problems. I really should have a poke around and see what I can do to fix it. But right now I’m tired, so I will look into it tomorrow.

Please write back soon, and remember your promise to avoid risking your life too much. 

With all my love,

Newt

P.S. Pickett says to tell you that he is part of the reason I’m going to bed instead of working on the climate issue, just so you know that he is indeed looking after me. He also says he misses you. It’s very cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protective Pickett is very important to me. Just picture him standing there while Newt writes and absolutely insisting that this particular progress report is added to the letter so that Jacob knows he's taking his job seriously.


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Newt,

I love you too. And I promise I’ll keep that coin thing with me. But I think you’re right not to try and make me a potion if this luck potion is complicated and your potion making skills are much like your cooking. People do survive without the help of magic, but I’m not complaining about getting a little extra help from time to time.

If our side started getting magical help, I think the other side’s wizards would step it up too. And then there would be even more of us muggles dying when we can’t defend ourselves against it, so it’s probably for the best that we’re fighting our way. You guys are even better at killing than the Germans, with all those spells you can use. I know wouldn’t stand a chance up against an army of wizards. And even if there was a way for you to help, it’s not worth the risk to you. We’ll be okay. We can get through this.

I’m really sorry to hear that Amelie isn’t better yet. The poor baby’s probably feeling just as confused about it all. But she’s got you working on it, and I know if there’s something that can be done, you’ll find a way. I bet you’re taking great care of her while she’s away from her siblings. Try out whatever you think might work and please let me know if anything changes. And tell her Daddy loves her and misses her, and that I’ll be home soon.

I’m guessing you’ll have that case all fixed up by now. But remember to wrap up warm when you go outside it, I don’t want you catching a cold. Particularly when I’m not there to make a fuss of you. Well done on actually going to bed when you’re tired though, and well done to Pickett for encouraging you. 

I promise I haven’t been risking my life any more than anyone else out here. It’s been pretty crazy lately, though. We’re trying to hold the enemy troops back, but they seem to be advancing while we haven’t made much progress. We seem to be on the defence way more than we’re attacking, and the news coming in from the other regiments isn’t much different. Apparently we’ve got it better than the guys out East, though. They’re having a much worse time of it. There are some days here when the worst thing to happen is the crime against all cooking that is our food. It’s almost always disgusting. I swear, whenever I’m not dreaming about you I’m dreaming about getting my hands on some real food. Apparently the British are all rationing right now, even the civilians, so they’re in the same boat, but it’s kind of sad when I think about how long it’s been since I last ate something with sugar in it, or even some fruit that hadn’t been dried or canned first. But then I remember we could be getting shot at, which pretty much puts those days in perspective.

Some of the guys are saying the German resolve is cracking. I hope they’re right, and I’ll be out of here and back with you soon. 

Lots of love,

Jacob


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Jacob,

I think you’re completely right, as you so often are. I would hate to put you in any more danger than I have done already.

Amelie isn’t completely recovering, but I have found that regular doses of Pepperup potion help to keep her at least stable. It doesn’t seem to be having any adverse effects, but it isn’t a proper cure either. Apparently occamies smoke from the nose rather than the ears, though and she seems to hate it. I suppose she doesn’t understand why it’s happening, so it must be rather terrifying for her. I have passed on your love to her and she seemed to respond well to it though, so that is a good sign. 

Apparently, there never was an issue with the temperature, which would explain why I was having such a hard time fixing it. Tina came to visit and told me that it was in fact far too warm, and that I was getting ill myself. This is incredibly inconvenient when I have so much work to do, but I don’t think I can deny it. It seems to be quite minor though, so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve started taking Pepperup myself and I’m sure it will pass in just a few days. And so long as I’m still managing to keep up with the feeding rounds, it can’t be that serious. Pickett and Dougal have both taken on the role of my caretaker, even though I've told them there's nothing to worry about. They’re almost as fussy as you sometimes!

I’m sorry you’re living like that, Jacob. Although I’d rather you were eating poorly than nearly dying. But I promise, when you get back, I’ll make sure you get plenty of full meals. I’ve even asked Queenie to continue the cooking lessons you started with me, as soon as I feel well enough, so that I can personally ensure you’re eating well. I will get better eventually, even if I may never be as good as you or her. 

I hope they’re right too. I love you and I do hope I will see you soon.

Yours, always, 

Newt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one has ever or will ever believe Newt when he says there's nothing to worry about.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Newt,

At least if you can keep her from getting worse, you’ve got longer to find a proper cure. I know you can do it sooner or later. Amelie’s lucky to have you looking after her. Just remember to look after yourself too, alright? I don’t want you making your own illness worse spending all your energy looking after her and none on getting better. Remember to take your potion and let the girls and your creatures look after you. If I had my way, I’d want you in bed with proper food until you’re all better, but I know that’s never going to happen. Just try not to overdo it, okay? Rest as much as you can and try to get proper sleep. And show Pickett and Dougal this letter so they keep on doing a good job.

I hope you feel better soon, and not just so that you can get your cooking lessons. Hopefully, she’ll have enough restraint not to get distracted and kiss you when you inevitably look adorable with flour on your face when you start, though. Maybe that’s why you’re still in need of lessons, actually. I don’t think we ever managed to make anything without one of us kissing the other. That does explain a lot now I think about it. But if you were here, I’d be shamelessly distracting you with kisses and I wouldn’t feel sorry about it, though. I don’t even care if I’d get your cold, it’d be worth it. 

I think we were actually right. I don’t know the details, but I heard the Polish civilians are fighting back now too. It makes me proud, even though I’m only a quarter Polish. I don’t think the Germans were expecting this, and I feel like it’s boosted everyone’s morale around here. We’re slowly pushing forwards, and I really think I’ll get to come home soon.

All my love, 

Jacob


	13. Chapter 13

Jacob,

I’m not sure when you last heard from Newt, but he’s seriously not well. I think whatever was wrong with that occamy has infected him too, and he seems even worse off than she is. He’s in St Agatha’s Hospital and he’s never awake for long enough at a time to try and write to you himself. Even if he did, there’s no guarantee he’d be coherent. He’s delirious enough just trying to talk, so I’m not sure how well he can write.

The healers haven’t seen this before. Healer Johnson thinks it’s a virus but we don’t know how the occamy got it so we haven’t got a lot to go on. At least he’s been taking Pepperup, so the progression of it has been nice and slow. Apparently it would have got to him much quicker if he hadn’t, based on what happened when they stopped giving it to him. 

I know this might seem like a cause for alarm, but he’s in the care of the best healers in New York and there’s nothing you could do for him if you were here. He’s possibly the worst patient they’ve ever had, though. Apparently he keeps trying to get out of bed and back to his creatures, even though Queenie and I have already told him we’re taking care of them. We did manage to talk the healers into letting a couple of creatures stay with him, though. Pickett, Dougal and Walter are all camping out in his room. I think he appreciates it, but he’d obviously like them all around him. I just hope they don’t get infected with whatever this is. We’re keeping Amelie in a bubble charm for now to stop her from spreading it to anyone else, as part of the quarantine. I don’t think Newt considered humans could be susceptible, but Queenie and I agreed this would be the safest way to look after her until the healers make more progress.

He also keeps arguing with them, saying he’s not that sick, even though he’s dizzy and exhausted all the time. It’s like a no-maj flu mixed with a confundus charm, except a whole lot worse. I think he’ll get through, but it’s just a question of how long he has to stay like this first.

When he was last semi-conscious, he was asking for you. He seems to move between that and asking if he’s in the Hogwarts hospital wing and where his brother is in the worst moments, when he’s so feverish he barely knows what’s going on. But we don’t really know what’s going on either, at least not what’s making him like this.

I’ll update you if we learn anymore.

Tina


	14. Chapter 14

Jacob,

Please tell me you got my letter. Every time I visit Newt and he’s conscious, he’s desperate to hear from you. The worry probably isn’t helping him, so please just write.

The healers think it’s something in his brain that’s causing this, either an infection or a literal bug. I don’t know, I don’t fully understand it all. I only know a little about healing from my auror training. But they think there’s something in there that’s making him like this. The Pepperup boils it and that stops it from making much progress, but they still haven’t figured out how to get it out. I’m sure they will, but for now, we don’t know.

We’re looking after him as best we can, and we’re trying to look after the beasts too. They don’t like us as much as they like him, and I’m pretty sure they’re worried and miss him. We’re worried too, even though he’s getting the best help he can.

Please write back.

Tina


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Jacob,

Tina says you haven’t written. Please write. I don’t feel good at all Jacob. I miss you and I’m afraid. Amelie was so sick and I know she didn’t mean to give me her illness but she did. I should have known it was more serious, I should have cured her sooner. I want to cure myself but I can’t and people don’t want me to get out of my bed. I hate this and I don’t know why you aren’t replying but I’m even more scared now because I might not be okay and you might not be okay either. I don’t know. My head feels strange and I’m very tired. Writing is tiring. I’m going to go to sleep now and have Tina post this for me when she gets here. Dougal is here in my bed and I’m going to hold him when I go to sleep but he isn’t you. I wish you were here.

Please be okay.

Love,

Newt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing while feverish and loopy is always hard, so Newt's coherency has gone right out the window.
> 
> Coincidentally, I am actually ill right now, which is why I didn't post this last night. Not nearly as ill as Newt, but still not having a fun time.


	16. Chapter 16

MISTER SCAMANDER

THE SECRETARY OF WAR DESIRES ME TO EXPRESS HIS DEEP REGRET THAT LIEUTENANT JACOB KOWALSKI IS OFFICIALLY MISSING IN ACTION AS OF FIFTEENTH SEPTEMBER

IF FURTHER INFORMATION IS RECEIVED YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED

N A ULIO

ADJUTANT GENERAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be the last chapter, but I'm not sure I can be quite so cruel, so look forward to the epilogue in the next few days.


	17. Epilogue

Every time Tina or Queenie came to visit, Newt would ask the same question. Even after receiving the telegram saying Jacob had gone missing, he would ask if they’d heard from him. And every time they said no, he felt as though his world was ending all over again. 

“Queenie, can’t you do something?” he begged, looking up at her blearily as she sat by his hospital bed. “Can’t you find out what happened somehow? I need to know, I can’t stand this.”

“Aw, Newt... I can’t. I wish I could tell you where he is,” she murmured, her fingers carding through his sweat-dampened hair.

“I want Jacob,” he moaned softly. 

“I know, honey, I know. How are you feeling today?”

“Cold and tired. And… and fuzzy.” It was hard to explain the strange sensation in his head, an odd dizziness mixed with warping thoughts and perceptions that made the whole world spin. 

Queenie made a soft, sympathetic noise and held his hand in her free one. “You’re going to get better. The healers are working on it, and it sounds like they’re hopeful.”

“I thought I could cure Amelie but I couldn’t.” Amelie. How could he be lying here in bed when she was still ill? “Where’s Amelie? I need to see her, no one’s looking after her!” He tried to sit up, but Queenie held him in position, and he was too weak to resist. 

“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay… Teenie and me, we’ve been looking after all those creatures of yours, remember?”

“But she’s ill! She needs me,” he insisted.

“You’re ill too, and you need rest. I promise we’re taking care of her,” Queenie soothed, but Newt shook his head, the panic rising inside him. How could he just lie here when he knew she needed him? “Listen to me, Newt. The fever gets worse whenever you get upset or stressed out. You’ll be able to get better and back with Amelie quicker if you try to relax.”

“How can I relax?” he asked, his voice bordering on hysteria. “Jacob is missing and he isn’t writing back to me, Amelie is poorly and I haven’t seen most of my creatures in nearly four weeks! I’m trapped in a hospital bed surrounded by people, and I just want to go home and be with my lover and my creatures.” He felt like he was going to either cry or be sick, and he couldn’t tell which. 

Queenie’s eyes seemed slightly damp with tears as she leant in to kiss him on the forehead. “Oh, Newt… It will be okay, you’re going to get better and go home.”

“And what about Jacob?”

“I don’t know, honey. I wish I did.”

He’d had this type of conversation a thousand times, every time one of the Goldsteins sat at his bedside, but Newt couldn’t stop fixating on his fears. Jacob could be anywhere, dead or alive, and unless he wrote, Newt would never know. He couldn’t stop the tears welling in his eyes now. “I need to see Jacob,” he whispered.

“Mister Scamander, it’s time for your potions,” said a portly witch with loose dark curls, approaching the bed. He hastily tried to blink away his tears and looked up at her. “We’ve got your standard Pepperup and nutrition supplements, but we’re going to try you on a bit of Invigoration Draught and a mild Wiggenweld potion. That mixture should bring up your strength nicely, and the introduction of Wiggenweld should cure any damage that’s been done inside you. Once you’ve had that in you for an hour, we’re thinking of trying a Draught of Peace to help keep you calm enough for the fever to drop.”

Had he been a less polite man, he would have told her that all he needed to be calm was his lover and his creatures, but he knew both were out of the question. “Thank you,” he said instead, but his expression was anything but thankful. All of those potions, with the exception of the Draught of Peace, tasted disgusting. He could only imagine that they would be even worse mixed together. Not to mention, the idea of ingesting anything was extremely unappealing. If it hadn’t been for the supplements, he would likely have starved to death by now. He doubted whether even Jacob’s cooking would have tempted him to eat.

Despite the wholly unappealing nature of the potions the healer had brought, he took each cup from the tray and downed the vile liquid with a shudder. He did have to admit that he felt less tired immediately, but the strange haze around him did not dissipate. If anything, without the cloud of fatigue to mask it, the sensation became stronger. And as usual, the Pepperup warmed his insides pleasantly, even with the much less pleasant side effect of smoke pouring out of his ears. 

If he hadn’t just been given his potion and hadn’t been surrounded by people, he would have thought he was hallucinating what came next. 

A large, elegant eagle owl swept in through the open window at the other end of the room and landed neatly on Newt’s bedside table. For one wild moment, he thought it might be delivering a letter from Jacob until he remembered that muggles would not send owl post, and recognised the owl as Atalanta, Theseus’ owl. And of course, she was carrying an envelope that was as red and smoking as Newt himself. 

“Is that a howler?” Queenie asked in mild alarm. “Who’s sending you a howler when you’re sick?”

“Theseus,” he replied with a groan, shifting slightly to sit up a little. The letter would simply explode if he didn’t open it and get it over with. Which was probably why Theseus was so prone to sending them. He was rather like a human howler himself sometimes. Readying himself for the onslaught of noise, Newt tore the letter open.

“NEWT, YOU WILL NOT BLOODY BELIEVE THIS. YOUR JACOB HAS GOT HIMSELF INTO DIAGON ALLEY OF ALL PLACES. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW HE GOT IN WITHOUT YOU, BUT HE’S COME AND FUCKING FOUND ME, AND HE’S INSISTING I GET HIM A PORTKEY TO AMERICA!” Theseus’ voice boomed, and Newt’s heart seemed to have either started beating so fast that it turned into a constant thrum or stopped entirely. Jacob was alive, and he was in London!

“HE SAYS HE LEFT THE MOMENT HE HEARD YOU WERE ILL, AND THAT IT WAS EASIER TO GET TO ENGLAND UNNOTICED THAN AMERICA, SO HE CAME TO FIND ME. HE’S IN A REALLY BAD WAY-”

Then came Jacob’s voice, much fainter than Theseus but still picked up by the charm. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me, baby. It’s nothing-”

“COMPLETE BULLSHIT. BUT HE’S ALIVE AND I THINK I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN FIX HIM UP, SO HE SHOULD BE FINE. I’M HOPING I’LL HAVE HIM BACK ON HIS FEET AGAIN AND THE PORTKEY SORTED BY THE TIME YOU GET THIS, SO WE SHOULD SEE YOU SOON. WE’LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING WHEN WE GET THERE. CAN’T SAY WHEN THAT’LL BE JUST YET, BUT IF YOU ASK ONE OF THOSE LOVELY GOLDSTEIN LADIES, I’M SURE THEY COULD ASK SOMEONE IN THE DMT FOR YOU AND THEY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW. SO SEE YOU WHENEVER THAT IS, AND GET WELL SOON, TADPOLE.”

“Hey, Newt? I love you, baby.”

“DO YOU HAVE TO CALL MY BABY BROTHER BABY IN FRONT OF ME?”

“Hey, I haven’t had a chance to talk to him in way too long!”

“FAIR POINT. AND I LOVE YOU TOO, NEWT-SANCE. SEE YOU SOON!”

The room echoed with Theseus’ cheery sign-off for a moment, then fell silent. A moment later, Newt found himself caught between uncontrollably laughing and uncontrollably crying, and his body seemed to attempt a compromise by letting out a strangled mix between the two. Jacob was coming home. He was really coming home, and for the first time in weeks, he felt happier than he could have imagined, so happy that he could have cast his best patronus, even despite his illness. For the first time in weeks, he felt like things might just be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read this fic, I hope you've all enjoyed it!! Let me know what you think, positive or con-crit, or if you have any suggestions or requests for future fics in the comments, and I hope you all have a good day!
> 
> Also, Theseus would definitely come up with silly pun nicknames and send howlers when regular letters would do, and this headcanon is important to me. Mr Serious War Hero is just as much of a dork as his baby brother.


End file.
